it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize