I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
