You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
