i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
