if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
