I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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