Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
