im drinking this country out of the recession.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
