you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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