i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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