haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
