i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Come see our sink grown plant.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
