And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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