just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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