apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
