I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
