Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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