i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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