You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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