There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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