I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
