My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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