i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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