the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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