i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
