Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
