I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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