Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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