to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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