the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
