I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I pour the whiskey from now on
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
