I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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