Already got asked if we're dating
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
