I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
