Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
