So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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