I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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