I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize