Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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