I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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