the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
