Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize