Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
