Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
