I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
