watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
