HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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