Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
