Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
