and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
