i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
