There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
