thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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