yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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