omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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