at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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