She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I understand Curling. That high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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