I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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