You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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