Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize