i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
