I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
