8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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