I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
