he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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