I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That accounts for only three of the penises
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
