her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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