Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
