How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
