He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize