yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
