So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
