so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
