god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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