I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
