Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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